Now, my mind was reeling. I had just learned that the smell of dirty panties had an overwhelming, intoxicating power over some guys, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The world of fetishes and kinks was boundless. Just knowing that fetishes were real and that people all over the world indulged in various kink lifestyles, either in secret or just as a regular part of their lives, exhilarated me. I wanted to find my own place in that world.

So, like many people who discover a new kinky side to themselves, I turned to the internet. And, of course, one of the first resources I found was Fetlife. Except, the thing is you can’t access it without a profile. I remember the rush of creating my first username and persona. It was an exciting moment. I was creating a new side of myself. This was someone who was going to dive head-first into the unknown. All I knew was that a fire had kindled inside of me. A passion I never knew existed was coursing through me and I needed to bring it to the surface. Making that profile, finding a name and persona for this journey of kinky self-discovery was a powerful moment for me.

Once I had made that first step, created an alternative self for this new world, I let go of any hesitation or doubt and entered. Immediately, I explored groups, joined discussions, read about different experiences and passions, and looked at pictures of, well, everything! I unleashed the raging desire that had built up inside of me and followed her lead. I took in as much as I could, learning about everything from panty fetish, shoes, feet, through to domination and submission, roleplay, Dd/lg, pet play, spanking, flogging, bondage, age play, and even explored things I thought I already understood, like anal, blowjobs, deepthroat. The whole time, I was incredibly turned on. I couldn’t help but play with myself as I read about pleasurable pain and sub space. Just the idea of submission was enough to make me wet.

The more I saw and read, the more I knew I needed to try it. I had to know what that feeling was, to fully submit and relinquish control for a time. To me, that seemed like the ultimate freedom. So, that is exactly what I did. I found a man who could fill the role of teacher/ Master and entered into regular play sessions with him.

He started by introducing me to new sensations. I felt the power, sting, and lasting tingle from various paddles, crop, flogs, and I can’t even recall what else. Sometimes I saw what was coming, and at other times I was blindfolded. To make it all the more enticing, he would also tease and edge me. He kept me feeling undulating pleasure and pain for stretches of time that felt like eternities. Always, I was begging for more. At the height of pain I entered into an alternate plane that turned everything into a euphoric haze. Every thud, sting, smack sent me soaring.

In this state, I wanted even more. I wanted to feel him inside of me while my nipples burned from pinching clamps. I wanted to choke and drool from his cock while he swung the flogger over my back and across my ass. I wanted him slapping my clit between thrusts that drove his dick deep inside of me. I wanted to feel everything, everywhere. My whole body felt alive when I was constantly bombarded with pleasure and pain.

At the end of every session I was spoiled with the most intimate, nurturing after care imaginable. I was massaged with coconut oil, wrapped in warmth and comfort, held, and nourished with hot tea and sweet treats. It would last as long as I wanted. Even when the comedown was delayed, sometimes it wouldn’t arrive until the next day, he would be there for me.

Everything we did was discussed and agreed. I was never surprised by last minute additions or changes and there was never a challenge to either or our hard limits. It was me who wanted to include more sexual acts into our play sessions and he was accommodating. We allowed the play to evolve and fluctuate in accordance to our desires. Neither of us were interested in adhering to any arbitrary rules about what D/s is or is not. Instead, we determined it ourselves. Sexuality and desires flow and change, so we embraced them for what they were at any given time.

By unleashing my desires into this realm of kink my whole being changed. A part of me that had always existed was finally brought to the surface. My sexual self was so much more than I had known and now that she was out there would be no going back.

Porn I’m Watching

Okay, so it was hard to write this without wanting to delve into some hot kinky scenes. Of course you can always check out some of my scenes here: Sexual Deviants. Or, if you are like me and this has worked you into a frenzy, then I highly recommend Dungeon Masters. There is soooo much to see, from demons fucking to some incredible messy deepthroat and so much more. You can even do a three day trial for 1euro and, trust me, it is so worth it.

As well as telling you what I’m watching I wanted to provide an alternative to FetLife. With new laws that are coming into effect soon, Fetlife and other sites are reviewing their policies and may have to remove certain groups. So, it may be worth checking out Alt.com as an alternative. It’s kind of like tinder for bdsm, except that you know everyone is of age because you have to enter credit card details to join (you are not charged until you have finished your free trial, so be sure to keep an eye on that). Give it a go, why not?

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